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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26140267">All These Doubts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindTheRobinsMask/pseuds/BehindTheRobinsMask'>BehindTheRobinsMask</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Keeping Up With The Graysons [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Confrontations, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Misunderstandings, Requited Love, Self-Doubt, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:54:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26140267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindTheRobinsMask/pseuds/BehindTheRobinsMask</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick and Jason have finally started dating. They finally found their happiness together. But now that Ric has come back home, what changes will he bring to this budding relationship?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Jason Todd/Ric Grayson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Keeping Up With The Graysons [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1383784</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All These Doubts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Song: 85% by Loote</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There wasn’t a time in his life when Jason considered himself lucky. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Since he was a child, all he had ever done was struggle to live, to eat, to drink, to breathe. He had struggled just to face another day, another fight. It was true that unlike most of the orphans that found themselves wandering the streets of Crime Alley, he had been given the chance to live with Bruce Wayne, a chance to have everything he could possibly want. But even in the safe walls of the manor, all Jason could do was struggle, with his emotions, with his new family. He struggled to find a place for himself in this new and unknown world. Robin gave him the chance to fly but the wings that let him soar in the sky were borrowed and the only thing that ever felt real, that ever truly felt his was Red Hood’s helmet. It was so rare for him to find something that belonged only to him. Something that he had built with his own two hands. Something that could never be taken away from him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was never a time when Jason considered himself lucky… until now. As the sun rose into the sky, its warm light dancing across his skin, Jason awoke to find himself in an unfamiliar yet familiar room. He blinked once. He blinked twice and the confusion faded away, replaced by relief as he turned around to face the man sleeping beside him. Kissing the back of Dick’s neck, Jason sighed happily, feeling his boyfriend shift against him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning,” Dick whispered as he turned around to look at Jason, lips pulled into a small smile. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For the past three months, this was the view that Jason woke up to every day, not an empty bed, not another dreadful morning. He woke up next to the most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on. He woke up next to the person he had loved his whole life. And maybe that itself made him luckier than most people. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Slept well?” Jason asked, drawing circles on Dick’s naked skin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>His boyfriend’s only reply was a hum as his hands travelled the expanse of Jason’s chest, tracing over his muscles before dancing over the edge of his boxers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Really well,” Dick finally said as he wrapped his fingers around Jason’s cock. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fuck.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Since they had gotten together, it was like Dick had taken it upon himself to surprise Jason at every turn, keep him on his toes, waiting and wanting, questioning and wondering. But no matter how many dreams he saw, how many scenarios he ran through his head, Jason could never be fully prepared for what Dick would do next. From spontaneous blowjobs during a stakeout to waking up to slow and hard sex in the middle of the night, he had been subjected to it all. And he had loved it all as well. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Someone woke up prepared,” Dick hummed as he slowly stroked Jason’s cock, circling the tip every time he reached it. “What were you dreaming about, hmm, Jay? I hope you were dreaming about me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m always dreaming about you,” Jason chocked out, his fingers gripping Dick’s waist as every stroke took him higher and higher. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so sweet.” Dick smiled, suddenly sliding down the bed. “So sweet to me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then, Dick wasn’t talking anymore. Instead, his tongue was licking across the tip of Jason’s cock, kitten-ish licks, soft licks, but never enough to let him finish. It was a slow and pleasurable torture, one that made Jason grip the sheets even though he wanted to grip Dick’s head and ram his cock deep into his throat. Sometimes he wondered if Dick wanted him to snap, to lose control and have his way with him. And sometimes he did just that. And maybe today would be one of those times. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dick’s eyes snapped to Jason as if sensing his inner conflict, his gaze holding him in place, never giving his mind time to process what would happen next. Slowly, so very slowly, he took Jason’s length in his mouth, taking his time to adjust to the change, setting the tone and pace for this particular encounter. There would be no hard and fast today. They would go slow. They would go steady because Dick was in the mood to savour every moment, in a mood to take his time. To make Jason pant and moan, barely holding onto self-control as Dick had his way.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And during moments like these, how could Jason ever consider himself unlucky? How could he see Dick as anything but the best thing that had happened to him? Being with Dick was everything he ever wanted and Jason never wanted anything to come between them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a pop, Dick removed his lips from Jason’s cock and looked up, “So, Jay, where do you want to finish?” he asked, his voice teasing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re going to be the death of me,” Jason groaned, his statement bringing a smile to Dick’s face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the stinging light of the sun hit his face, Ric couldn’t help but flinch, his hand instinctively reaching out to shade his eyes. After working the whole night he was exhausted. And if he had to be honest, he was miserable but the case had nothing to do with that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For Ric, leaving home was the best decision he had made. The world was a vast place and there were so many things for him to see, things to learn, things to change. But he could never do that if he stayed in Blud. He could never do that if he settled with living in Dick’s shadow for the rest of his life. Ric loved his brother more than anything or anyone in the world and there was a time he believed that he just had to be wherever Dick was. By his side, holding him up and making sure that the darkness could never touch him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But in his mission to protect his brother, Ric realized that he never gave himself the chance to grow, to be something more than what he was. Dick, on the other hand, not only found a place where he belonged but also people who loved him, people who would do anything for him. Jason was one of those people. For awhile, Ric thought Jason was his person, his friend, his love but he was Dick’s as well. And if Ric ever had to pick, he would always choose his brother’s happiness. Which is why he had to leave so that he could finally move forward, so that he could finally be free. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That was a few years ago. Since then, Ric made his own place in the world, changed what he could, helped when his skills were needed. He had people he could rely on, people who saw him as Ric Grayson and not a replacement for his brother. He had finally made his mark but even so, Ric still felt empty. While he had people who loved him, there was still something missing in his life, a presence that he couldn’t live without. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the door behind him swung open, Ric turned away from the thoughts that had been haunting him for days and faced his partner for the time being. </span>
  <span></span>
    <br/>
  
  <span></span>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, that was… fun,” Constantine said dryly as he dusted his coat, hair sticking up in all directions. His eyes fell on Ric. “What’s next, mate?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know about you but I’m going on a much-needed vacation,” Ric answered, stretching his arms. Then, he smiled, his mind made up. “I’m going home.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was going back to Bludhaven. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“In the sink! You put that plate in the sink!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rolling his eyes, swallowing the last bite of his dinner, Dick walked over and did as he was told. He put his dirty plate in the sink so that it could be washed later. Something he would have done without the reminder but Jason’s vigilant eyes never seemed to leave him alone. Okay, so maybe there were a few days when Dick had been too busy to clean up after himself. Juggling two jobs, two different lives even, wasn’t an easy thing to do and sometimes, in a hurry, he left used plates and cups wherever he was sitting before bolting out the door. When work piled up, so did the dishes and the clothes. But Dick always found the time to clean. Eventually. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason, on the other hand, was organized. He didn’t put things off for the next day and he certainly didn’t let his home turn into a mess. There was only one time when Jason arrived at Dick’s apartment after a case only to find that the whole place had ‘gone to hell’ (according to him at least). Dick didn’t mind the mess. He honestly didn’t care about it. But Jason was appalled and since then, he had taken it upon himself to make Dick more like him, organized and clean. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was a strange change, especially since Dick wasn’t used to someone watching his every move. But it wasn’t a change that he minded. Jason’s rambling every time Dick left clothes on the couch, the way he placed his hands on his hips when he scolded, the way his brow furrowed and the snap of his fingers, all of those things were just too damn adorable. As time passed by, they were slowly falling into a comfortable cycle. They were becoming a part of each other’s lives and Dick didn’t want to lose Jason. Ever. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason was his home. Though he would never admit that out loud. Not yet at least. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything else, your highness?” Dick asked, bowing his head and he could imagine the little twitch of Jason’s lips as he tried not to smile. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No. That will be all,” Jason said, his tone haughty. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Grinning, Dick looked up, “Are you sure, my king?” he asked, voice low as he stepped forward to place his hands on Jason’s chest, slowly sliding them up to his shoulder. “Is there really nothing else I can do for you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What else can you do for me?” Jason asked, grabbing Dick by the waist.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh so many things,” Dick answered, leaning up to kiss his boyfriend.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t long before Jason deepened the kiss, pressing his body against Dick’s, tongue slipping into his mouth. Dick’s mind was racing with what was to come, his heart skipping beats when the sound of the front door unlocking pierced through his daydreams. No one except Jason had the key to his apartment so who the hell was this. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But before he could react, before he could pull away, the door swung open. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, this was certainly not the welcome I was expecting,” a familiar voice commented, no humour in their voice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t the voice that surprised Dick though. It was the way that Jason pushed him away, his eyes so wide, almost filled with fear and guilt as they looked up. Turning around, Dick followed his gaze and found Ric by the door, arms crossed and a small smile dancing on his lips. Though he didn’t seem very pleased by the situation he had walked into. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, brother,” Ric said, tilting his head. “It’s been a while.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No matter what he did, Dick couldn’t get rid of the uncomfortable feeling that had settled in the pit of his stomach since Ric came home. He should have been thrilled to see his brother, overjoyed that he had finally decided to drop by. After all, for people who had been constants in each other’s lives, it had been a year since they had met. Ric needed to leave home. He needed to see the world and Dick understood that. But there were times when he wished his brother was by his side. He wished that they were together because life could turn so dark without someone to lean on. In his search for independence, Ric had forgotten him, forgotten Dick and now they barely spoke. That hurt so much. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t that Dick hated his brother for leaving. Ric had the right to follow his heart, to find a place where he felt like he belonged. But right now, he didn’t know how to talk to his brother. He didn’t know how to smile for him without remembering the look on Jason’s face when he saw Ric. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason loved Dick. He would never do anything to hurt him. He just wasn’t that kind of person. But considering the previous relationships Dick had, the ones that didn’t last too long and the ones he was sure would last forever, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Especially given Ric and Jason’s history. While Jason called their encounter nothing but a drunken mistake, Dick knew that there was more. How could he not know? To the world, Ric might be a mystery but to him, he was an open book. He always knew what Ric was thinking and he knew that somewhere, deep down, Ric felt something for Jason, something that could have been love.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But Jason loved him. Jason had told him that he loved him. There was no reason to feel uneasy. No reason to doubt his boyfriend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the shower in the bathroom switched off, Dick shook his head and sat up straight. Inhaling and exhaling, he let go of his worries and smiled as his brother stepped out of the bathroom. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Got any clothes I could borrow?” Ric asked and Dick nodded, motioning to the clothes laid out on the bed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Already got em for ya.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Picking up the shirt, Ric frowned, “A superman t-shirt? Really, Dickie?” he asked, brows raised. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We only stan the best in this household, baby bird,” Dick said, proud of his collection. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re such a nerd.” Ric snorted as he shook his head. “Well, as long as it isn’t Batman.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I could get you some Bat boxers if you’d like.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I could shoot myself instead of wearing those.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Aww, Rickie. Don’t be like that. B has some good merch,” Dick teased and Ric rolled his eyes though the amusement on his face was obvious. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Unless it’s Alfred related merch, I don’t want to hear it,” he said, dumping the towel by the bathroom door. If Dick was messy, so was Ric. “Anyway, I got the couch tonight?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Couch?” Dick asked with a gasp, hands pressed against his chest. “How dare you suggest such a blasphemous thing! We’re having a sleepover!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Grabbing Ric’s hand, he pulled him down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Noooo,” Ric fake protested as he fell on the bed and then grinned. “So, Dickie you finally living up to your name and getting dicked?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dick picked up his pillow threateningly, “Don’t make me smother you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> Ric chuckled but didn’t say anything more, his eyes turning warm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you, robin,” he whispered, gently patting Dick’s head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And all the uneasiness that he had been feeling, the confusion, the fear, it all melted away. Ric was home. He was finally home so nothing else mattered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you too, baby bird,” Dick said, knowing that his words were true. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Unlocking the door fo his safe house, Jason stepped in and sighed. He felt conflicted. He felt confused because he didn’t know how to react. Ric’s sudden return had brought back feelings that he had buried deep inside, feelings that he never wanted to remember again. All they had ever done was cause him pain. All they had ever done was broken him. If Dick was his home, the person he belonged with, the person who would never let him down, Ric was the opposite. He was the unexpected storm that left Jason disoriented, the one who created a mess, the one who broke things down, and the one who disappeared as suddenly as he arrived. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Jason had been the fool who had loved them both, the fool who wanted too much. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason was never angry with Ric because he couldn’t love him. Jason was angry because Ric had left him behind a word. He had been abandoned by someone he cared for, someone he looked up to and someone he thought he could always count on. After all, Ric had held him close through some of the worst days of his life. He had put Jason back together so many times. Yet, Ric didn’t think twice before removing Jason from his life. It was as if all those days they had spent together meant nothing. It was as if Jason meant nothing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now that he was back, the anger and the disappointment that Jason had felt when he first left coming rushing back. He wanted to tears things apart. He wanted to scream and cry, demand how Ric could just toss him aside so easily. But with the hate came the love, the little sparks he felt every time Ric’s eyes met his, the butterflies that fluttered in his heart when the older smiled, the memories of the warmth they had once shared. And that love made him want to run straight into Ric’s arms, that love made him feel so damn guilty. Jason had Dick. He had chosen Dick so whatever romantic feelings he had for Ric, they were wrong. Dick deserved someone who only thought him and no one else. Jason wanted to be that someone so badly. He wanted that more than anything so why did Ric have to come back?  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Flopping onto his bed, Jason let out a groan. Then he looked to the empty side, the one where Dick slept, imagining his smile, his warmth, the sound of his voice. He was all Jason needed to be happy. He was all he needed to survive. Dick Grayson was his gift, a blessing that people so rarely got. So why couldn’t he remove Ric from his heart? Why couldn’t he just love one and not want everything? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m a terrible person,” Jason whispered to no one at all because as emotions raged inside his heart, thoughts and doubts flooding his mind, he didn’t know how he could look Dick in the face without breaking down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t know how he could tell Dick that he loved him without feeling dirty and wrong? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Flying across the cloudy Bludhaven sky, Dick couldn’t help but smile. He had tried not to, after all, being a vigilante who brought criminals to justice, he needed to look serious, at least when he was listening to a case report. But no matter what he did, his lips would always turn upwards, his heart so full of love and happiness that he couldn’t help but show it. It was as if he had found a rabbit’s foot accidentally and had been blessed with a lifetime of luck. After all, everything in his life had been going so smoothly. Everything was falling into place, especially now that Ric was home. With Jason and him by his side, his family was finally complete. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Humming loudly and on the verge of breaking into song, Dick swung from one building to another, his eyes looking for Cardinals dark colours. Before Jason had left home the night before, he had promised to catch up with the twins during patrols. Dick had just the thing in mind to make this night full of fun. Rooftop tag. It had been so long since the three of them played together. It had been so long since the three of them had been in the same room together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As his song came to an end, Dick had just landed on a rooftop when he heard loud voices, familiar voices fighting. He was about to step out of the shadows and intervene, play the role of the mediator when he heard words that made him stop in his tracks, words that made him want to listen instead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I used to mean something to you,” Jason whispered, his voice heartbroken. If Dick could see his face, he was sure that his boyfriend was on the verge of tears. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What had happened between the two of them?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And? What do you want me to do, Jason? Go down on my knees and apologize for leaving?” Ric asked, voice hard and cold. He only got this way when he was trying to hide what he was really feeling. “I never said that I was going to date you. What happened that night might have meant something to you but it didn’t mean anything to me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dick’s eyes widened as he listened, his fears slowly awakening. The happiness that his heart was brimming with slowly disappeared. He knew what they were talking about but he didn’t know why they were talking about it now. Jason loved him. Jason had told him that there was nothing going on between him and Ric, that they never dated. So why did that one fling seem to mean so much to him?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It didn’t mean anything?” Jason asked, incredulous. “I told you that I was in love with you!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Life was cruel. It gave you happiness until you were addicted, until you were so blinded that you couldn’t see the storm brewing in the distance. Dick had loved Jason for years. He had wanted Jason for so long so when Jason seemed to return his feelings, he thought that he could finally be happy. That he had finally found someone who would never hurt him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I loved… I love you, Ric,” Jason whispered and Dick knew that he was crying. “And you broke me. You ruined me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dick had been so sure that it was his turn to be happy, to be loved and accepted. But in the end, Jason only saw him as his brother’s replacement. </span>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello I have returned to deliver angst. I'm sorry I've been gone for so long (once again). Life is hectic and I'm terrible at being organized. I hope to write more fics now that I have some time but I won't make any promises, especially when I know I have a hard time keeping them. After rushing through part three of this series, I really wanted to write this bit (mostly because I'm a sucker for angst. haha.) and while I had pieces of the chapter written down, I didn't have time to put it all together until now. Jason is confused. Dick is confused. Ric is, well, Ric. <br/>I hope to write the next part from Ric's point of view, actually show how the fight between him and Jason started. Maybe there will be a resolution of sorts. Or at least the beginning of one. We'll see.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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